Sry I called you an 8
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
