K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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