Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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