I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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