I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
