haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
