Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
