She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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