He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize