She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
