you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
