Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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