I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
