He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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