i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize