please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
