When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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