Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
