they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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