After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
