I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
