Porn is love you can see.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
