i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
