I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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