eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
