Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
