did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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