I think i sorta joined a cult last night
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize