Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
