How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
