where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
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