I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
