I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
