I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
