I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
