I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
