i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
