why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
