God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
too bad you live with your parents still
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Randomize
