New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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