I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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