once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
