2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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