Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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