do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
