My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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