I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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