Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
