Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
