eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
