I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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