apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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