i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
