I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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