I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
