Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
