3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
