It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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