this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
