Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
