just come out here and I will go home with you...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
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