Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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