I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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