when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
