This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
