and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
