I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
