atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
