I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
