Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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